As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
