somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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