I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
