Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This is my gift to your gina
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
