I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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