sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
