you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
