Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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