It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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