She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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