I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
