The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
