She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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