Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
