i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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