no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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