I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
