ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think my mom watched the whole time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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