Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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