Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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