hell yes lets make some ravioli
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize