got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
