Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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