with your own penis?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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