fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize