I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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