Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
