My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize