You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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