We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you had me at cake vodka
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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