proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
