So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
