I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
