Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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