just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
