Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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