did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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