thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
