After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize