i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Operation Purity has been aborted
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I believe in your delicious
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
