I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
