brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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