if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
