I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
