i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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