We're facebook friends in real life
Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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