You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
