My liver just broke up with me...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
