We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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