Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
