I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
