So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
