Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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