It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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