His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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