I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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