everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
