Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
