for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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