Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
