erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
