im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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