why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Drunk is not a location!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
