planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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