I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
